An Open Letter to Voldemort from The Death Eaters
Uncategorized / May 7, 2017

  Dear V, Hey, we heard about your recent death. Sorry, bro. I’m sorry we weren’t all there for you but, we have lives too, y’know? But we know how it went down–it’s pretty much common knowledge now. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I think you should have won. You were clearly the better wizard, and you out-dueled Harry Potter every single time you met. He didn’t even kill you. You’d be alive right now if it weren’t for that little mishap. Tough break. But we were able to infiltrate the Ministry and get someone undercover in there, so I thought it might cheer you up if I fill you in on how things are doing around here. First, Harry married Ginny Weasley and became an Auror. No need to roll your eyes, because he sucks at it. Every time he walks into work, he says that he’s the “Chosen One” and doesn’t have to do anything. Then he sits down and Googles the latest Quidditch game outcomes all day. It’s really annoying. And Ginny…do you remember her? She was in the story from day one, but no one gave one shit about her until she started sleeping with Harry. And even…

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